Are You Really Listening?
Do you have some people in mind who you would like to check in with? The key to making these truly fulfilling, connecting conversations is the ability to really listen.
Lucky for us, listening expert Oscar Trimboli, gives us three transformational hacks to make you a great listener.
Notice the pace of your breathing during the conversation and if you feel the urge to speak before the other person has finished their sentence – take an extra breath and pause. Research from Germany indicates that the breathing of the listener is different to their resting breathing and is impacted by the volume of the speaker. When listening well, the speaker and listener have co-occurring brain activity and their breathing aligns. Let your breathing create a greater space in the conversation between the waves in the conversation.
Traditional active listening education suggests you take the time to notice the words the other person is saying. Oscar recommends you take the extra effort to notice their breathing.
- Is it shallow and narrow or deep and long?
- Is it aligned to the words they are using?
- Are they speaking their sentences completely before they need to collect their breath
When you listen at a deeper level beyond words, you notice the congruency between their words and their presence.
- It is evident when the words they are saying aren’t aligned with their presence and energy? Notice what they are doing with their face, hands, mouth or body as well as the words.
- Notice when the alignment is present, their face lights up and their breathing becomes more relaxed, deeper and synchronised to the words.
- Compare the frequency of misalignment and alignment during the complete length of the conversation. Is there a pattern that you notice?
If you want more tips on deep listening, head to Oscar’s website here.